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One billion dollars in $100 denominations. I didn't count, so I'll take Google Image's word.

No, this isn’t a post on The Hunger Games (I wish) – it’s about that other little nugget of news you might have heard about:

The MEGA (ega..ega..ega..) MILLIONS (illions..illions..illions…) RECORD JACKPOT!

No doubt as a PR pro you have been a teensy weensy frustrated with all the media coverage of the Mega Millions, but you know what they say – if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

They (PR experts) also say to tastefully incorporate current events into relatable pitches for clients. “Tastefully” is an awfully objective word, so we at HMA thought we could help get the lottery ball rolling with a few pitch ideas* for various industries.

 

Healthcare – Are you healthy enough to be a millionaire?

If you are lucky enough to defy the 1 in 175 million odds of winning the record $640 million dollar Mega Millions, then you are probably going to want to be around for a while (after all, you only get around a mere $3.5 mill a year if you choose the 26-year payout option). This Super Awesome Doctor suggests lottery winners be wary of rising blood pressure as they are at higher risk for heart attacks, particularly during the announcement of winning numbers. To prevent this, it is recommended lottery winners donate millions to their healthcare specialists in order to treat them with the best available technology.

 

Casino- Better your odds!

Chances are, you have purchased a Mega Millions ticket. Friday’s drawing is for a record $640 million and the odds of winning are one in 175,711,536. Want to lower your odds? Ditch the ticket and come on down to The Super Awesome Casino for your chance to win $10,000 – odds of which are a mere fraction of the Mega Millions. Plus, you don’t run the risk of splitting your jackpot with other winners! Bingo!

 

Education- Experts in statistics!

Preston "Mr. Macintosh" Waters lived wildly out of his means after forging a measly $1 million check.

The Mega Millions has reached an astounding half billion dollars, and while you may have to be 21-years-old to purchase a ticket, lottery participation can be fun for the whole family! Pete Goodteacher of The Super Awesome School of Education recommends taking the opportunity to teach your children about odds and percentages – event better, win and enjoy a teachable moment about finance, the economy and even the stock market! It’s never too early to teach your child the value of a billion dollars.

 

Travel- Fly here to buy here!

Did you know that nearly half of Mega Millions winners are from New England? Some may say it’s due to the large, condensed population, but we at The Super Awesome Travel Company know that it is something in the water. There is still time to better your odds and visit the 13 original colonies where gas stations out number vehicles and $640 million can get you a vacation home above Donald Trump’s penthouse. You’ll just have to build it.

 

Nonprofit- How much $640 million can make a difference

$640 million may sound like a lot to just one person, but to the 7 million homeless pets, it sounds like a new pillow (made of bald eagle down and diamond incrusted cashmere) or medical treatment (like stem-cell therapy to cure paralysis). In fact, if The Super Awesome Nonprofit were to win, these ridiculous statistics are what $640 million jackpot could buy:

Include list of absurd examples, like 84,000,000,000,000,000,0004 pieces of kibble.

 

Law- Pooled a ticket…now what?

Pooling money together and purchasing multiple lottery tickets for the office may have seemed like a good idea when it increased your odds, but now you have to split $640 million 20 ways. Ick. Before you kill off a few lower-level employees or a much higher paid boss, consulting an attorney from The Super Awesome Law Firm to mediate the distribution is not only wise, but required to make sure everyone gets their fair share before the company is dissolved due to a mass resignation.

 

Finance- The jackpot that keeps on giving

Winning a $640 million Mega Millions jackpot will have you set for life, but how do you ensure it will directly benefit your future generations? Careful financial planning can make the difference between making sure your great-grandchildren will be cared for and being featured on Dateline: Curse of the Lotto Strikes Again. The financial planners at The Super Awesome Financial Company can make sure your money is invested wisely and securely, both for you and your posterity, even if you haven’t recently come into half a billion dollars.

 

What are some Mega Millions related pitching you have done for your client?

 

*these pitches are not real and do not reflect our clients’ or any Super Awesome Company** stories

**Super Awesome Companies are figments of the author's imagination

Stephanie Lough
Stephanie Lough
A former HMA Public Relations employee.

5 Comments

  1. Alison says:

    One of the funniest things about this blog – as Steph was writing it, we got a call for help with the Lotto story from our bud Colin at KTAR!!! We literally coordinated story while proofing this!

  2. Martha says:

    New England here I come!

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